Saturday, November 26, 2005

Ripple Effect


{Self-Portrait}

My mother yelled at me last night.
This makes me act like a small wounded animal; I crawl into my corner, hold my blanket and eat chocolate.

Only my mother can do this to me.

As most of you know, I have a strong personality. I have my definte opinions and have my own way of communicating with the world. I don't when my mother yells at me.

I don't know why she scares me so badly when she does, I'm 18 but when she yells I'm instantly three again. My mother is my kriptonite.

I love her and I know she loves me but when she is mad - give me my blanket and reeses cups...you won't see me for a while.

In the case of my mother I can either fight or flight. I have fought many a time before, I don't like seeing her like that. I don't like me seeing her as that. So I hide.

My mother was angry that I wasn't coming home for Christmas longer. I'm going from the morning of the 23rd to the afternoon of the 28th, I would have liked to stay longer but I have to work. I tried to tell her that and I just started crying and immediately felt sorry for my self.

But I do have to work because I have to pay for things: like the bloody train tickets down and back. My parents pay my rent and God bless them for it but I pay my electricity bill, my gas bill, my tuition, my groceries and my text books. Which is a lot for a part time university student. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm still upset.

No comments: