A Low Point

[I feel low]

The last few days have been really, really, really good. Today kind of sucks. And not for any particular reason I might add - but just an accumulation of reasons. Its stupid really.

• I don't have a job yet. I had my two interviews and they both went pretty well but I don't have a job or a guarantee of a job, so I'm a bit depressed about that. I would really really like to start working but I can't because no one will hire me. Like usual. Whatever.
• Ants. There are ants in my kitchen the second I drop food. They were back yesterday - I am too emotionally tired to do anything but spray windex on them.
• Food: I'm trying to diet but its very hard. I thought it would be easier once I started cooking for myself but I realized that I'm just to tired or lazy sometimes to make something good for me. All I want to do is eat chips and something instant. I haven't been, but I really want to. And also grocery shopping is depressing, I went last week planning to spend just over $30, and in reality spent just under $50. SO that leads to my next point.
• Money: no job, no money, no getting out of debt, lousy food, no nice coffee in the mornings. Crap. I don't think I'm good at this whole poor student, never buy new clothes, eat kraft dinner lifestyle. Especially because I love buying new clothes and hate macaroni. Maybe I can starve - taking care of diet and food - and have more money for clothes?!

I know BAD IDEA, but this is going to sound superficial but this season of clothing is the best I've ever seen! Have you seen the beautiful clothes out there? The long flowy skirts, and drippy earrings, and the colours and the textures and the scares and the beading...everything is beaded. Its like clothing is a cake...a plain vanilla cake. Well this year its not only covered in icing its also covered in chocolate chips, smarties, sprinkles, cherries, strawberries, blueberries, kiwi, whip creme, chunks of chocolate bars, candles, fireworks, tiny explosives - its beautiful. And I want to dress just like the windows of La Chateau all the time! It's the year of the anti-slut. No mini mini mini skirts....we want peasent skirts! If its above the knee its not fashion! No belly tops, the tops hang to your hips. Its everything I've ever wanted to wear in one glorious season and if I don't take advantage I'm afraid that next season leather pants will be the thing and there is NO WAY I'm wearing THAT.

I need money. And I want more clothes. I can't help it. I know some people, well most people would tell me I have tons and I'll admit it - I do. So tonight I will clean out my closets and pray that they be refilled with everything gorgoues that I wanted to purchase today at the stores.

I'm still depressed though.

My apartment is a mess, just from sheer laziness of tiny things...like I didn't do the dishes, my laundry is kinda everywhere. Basically a ton of things fell and I never picked them up. I really have to do that. But I have a headache, no job, want more clothes (please people thats all I want for my birthday!) and its messy - but I feel like there is nothing I can do about any of it.

So I won't - there is always tomarrow.