Where Have You Gone? I'm Not Forsaken

["But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matt 6: 33-35]

The last few days have been good to me, God has blessed me with a fantastic job at the Sanderson Centre which reminds me again that God is so much smarter than me and I shouldn't doubt him. He knows what is best for me and trusting him is what I should do. That is something I'm going to be working on, because it seems as soon as something doesn't work out the way I like I go into WHY GOD, HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME? Mode. And I have to stop and trust.

He has blessed me so incredibly so far - my beautiful apartment, wonderful people I love including new friends and old, health, a good school with free education and I'm not half bad looking. So I'm going to try to stop complaining.

Anywho. I start work on Sunday! Whoot, I'm going to miss church which is sad because I really really really enjoy going there but alas. Oh and I get a new fridge! So I can actually store food in it. And I have plans for the weekend! YEAH!!!! Anywho, here are some more pictures.

This is a fountain outside of the courthouse which is to the left of my school, which is pictured below.

The first building is my school, the second is my church, the third is the student centre and the fourth is one of the residences. Aren't they pretty? They are all either heritage sites or brand new buildings built in the heritage style.

This is my schools main building, I can't wait to go to school just so I can spend time in this building.

This is my new church, Brant Community Church - Dave introduced this church to me through his co-worker. I absolutely love it here. Its not a big church but not a small one either. And the worship is really really good, they play classic rock lol.

This is the new student centre, I can't wait for it open either. I think there is supposed to be some sort of fitness centre in here, but its possible its in another new building that they are in the process of well, building.

I love it here.

Update at Eleven

WHATHASHAPPENEDTOMEINTHELASTFEWDAYS: A List

1. Went down to Windsor; took a train; it stopped for ten; got a flower at the station; I wish I didn't leave it in Windsor; I really like flowers.
2. Christine met me at the station as well; very nice of her. We hung out. I was very very tired.
3. Saw Brit as well; we went out to dinner; had an old friend as our waitress; went to Winners; I want to buy things.
4. Saw Brit and Christine; we dyed my hair and Christines; went well. Tired again. Say goodbyes.
5. Leave for Niagara falls; stop at apartment - miss it :(; go to falls; have dinner; whoot; no Ikea = sad.
6. Go back to apartment; fight over television channels. Arguments continue tomorrow.
7. Almost buy fridge. Call tomorrow. Always issues with mother. Still love family. Say goodbye to them. Sad and happy. Happy and sad. Hope everything turns out alright.
8. Job interview on tuesday. Sure hope I get it. It's at the Sanderson. That would rock.
9. Tomorrow is another day. Going to try to take up jogging. Lets see how that goes.
10. Really like 'courier' font.

Niagara-Fun-Falls-Extravaganza-More-Than-Water-A-Bunch-of-Water-Hydrophonic-Show-Super-Fun-Power!

Niagara Falls:

Natural Wonder or Tourist Blunder?

Niagara Falls: my first memories of the honeymoon capital of the world are full of water. I remember wearing "shopping bags" and going under the falls. I remember thinking to not drop my sunglasses over the rail. I remember seeing nature in its wonderous glory. What I do not remember? The commercialism that permanates this 'attraction' now. Were the bright lights, the rides such as the possibly related Over-the-falls IMAX ride and the not at all related HULK Ride and SPIDERMAN Adventure there when I was young? What does that have to do with this giant piece of nature? When I was walking around I noticed a booth selling disposable cameras for $20 by the park (goverment), is anyone accountable for this? I understand this may be to help with the local economy etc etc etc but that borders on a type of tourist blackmarket. And at $20 a pop you would expect the city to look a bit ...well...cleaner, safer, prettier...are words that come to mind. Ah well. Take a gander at commercialization at the falls below.For the tourists that don't understand the concept of falling to their death.
C.N Tower? Nope. Just another tall building trying to get you to pay to ride to the top and seeing the same thing you can do for free by walking.This is a representative of the Government of Ontario promoting tourism in the Niagara Region. Or a GIANT DANCING REESE'S CUP!

An Ode to Windsor 2.0: Brantford

Scary Inside?
Look down: I cry
Go for a Ride

A Trail Outside
A Place for a Car Ride
Under the Bridge, I hide
Do they lie?
Maybe at the end: a pie!

BLARG!

An Ode to My Apartment

"A sink!" - The New York Times
" Look at the Art...its the Lourve!" - Art Today
" The lovely furnishings!" - Shelia
"The design screams of ...style!" - State the Obvious Weekly

"Walls Included" - My Lease

"Bring the nature indoors with flowers" - Random Passerby

"Indoor plumbing is all the rage" - Amish Times

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Ah, my apartment. The battleground and the homeground and the smell of coffee grounds...even though my coffee is instant and drenched in hazelnut coffee creamer. This is my humble student abode. Perhaps one of the nicest first apartments a girl could have who does not sell her body for Debbie Travis' paint collection or pawn her soul for an ikea catalogue. I've been living here for just over three weeks now and it feels like home, I love it here and the town as well. Which is the subject of my next post. Only complaints about my apartment is the un even floors...everything rolls that way; the many many stairs and/or lack of elevator and having no laundry in said building. But it is my home: welcome.

A Low Point

[I feel low]

The last few days have been really, really, really good. Today kind of sucks. And not for any particular reason I might add - but just an accumulation of reasons. Its stupid really.

• I don't have a job yet. I had my two interviews and they both went pretty well but I don't have a job or a guarantee of a job, so I'm a bit depressed about that. I would really really like to start working but I can't because no one will hire me. Like usual. Whatever.
• Ants. There are ants in my kitchen the second I drop food. They were back yesterday - I am too emotionally tired to do anything but spray windex on them.
• Food: I'm trying to diet but its very hard. I thought it would be easier once I started cooking for myself but I realized that I'm just to tired or lazy sometimes to make something good for me. All I want to do is eat chips and something instant. I haven't been, but I really want to. And also grocery shopping is depressing, I went last week planning to spend just over $30, and in reality spent just under $50. SO that leads to my next point.
• Money: no job, no money, no getting out of debt, lousy food, no nice coffee in the mornings. Crap. I don't think I'm good at this whole poor student, never buy new clothes, eat kraft dinner lifestyle. Especially because I love buying new clothes and hate macaroni. Maybe I can starve - taking care of diet and food - and have more money for clothes?!

I know BAD IDEA, but this is going to sound superficial but this season of clothing is the best I've ever seen! Have you seen the beautiful clothes out there? The long flowy skirts, and drippy earrings, and the colours and the textures and the scares and the beading...everything is beaded. Its like clothing is a cake...a plain vanilla cake. Well this year its not only covered in icing its also covered in chocolate chips, smarties, sprinkles, cherries, strawberries, blueberries, kiwi, whip creme, chunks of chocolate bars, candles, fireworks, tiny explosives - its beautiful. And I want to dress just like the windows of La Chateau all the time! It's the year of the anti-slut. No mini mini mini skirts....we want peasent skirts! If its above the knee its not fashion! No belly tops, the tops hang to your hips. Its everything I've ever wanted to wear in one glorious season and if I don't take advantage I'm afraid that next season leather pants will be the thing and there is NO WAY I'm wearing THAT.

I need money. And I want more clothes. I can't help it. I know some people, well most people would tell me I have tons and I'll admit it - I do. So tonight I will clean out my closets and pray that they be refilled with everything gorgoues that I wanted to purchase today at the stores.

I'm still depressed though.

My apartment is a mess, just from sheer laziness of tiny things...like I didn't do the dishes, my laundry is kinda everywhere. Basically a ton of things fell and I never picked them up. I really have to do that. But I have a headache, no job, want more clothes (please people thats all I want for my birthday!) and its messy - but I feel like there is nothing I can do about any of it.

So I won't - there is always tomarrow.

Two Job Interviews: What To Do?

[My Hero]

Well God has come through again! I have two, count them...1...2....two job interviews tomarrow! SO EXCITIED!

I have been so blessed with this move to Brantford, first I was accepted to a very small program, then I got my apartment, then I got tons of scholarships and now I have a job.

I feel so blessed. I have good people I love and that makes me happier than anything...but this is a pretty good bonus!

[Today I am thankful not only for my two job interviews but for my friends and family who root for me through all this. I have been truly blessed.]

Hair Care Vs. Interview: Which One Takes Longer?

[Random Picture?]

Hair care. Doing my hair took longer than my pre-interview today. That is annoying. They did say that they would call me for an interview either today or tomarrow and thats exciting. I just hope they do.

If I was able to be debt free while going to school, I would be a very very very happy little girl. All I really need money for is to cover my living expenses, since my tuition is covered by my scholarships with about 1200 left over for books. If I didn't even have to touch my OSAP money I would be very happy. Just make interest on it.

Oh I hope I get a job, and the sooner the better, it will keep me busy during the rest of the summer and make me some mu la. Please Lord, Can I have a job?

The Day That Was Nothing.

[Aye, Aye, Aye]

I did nothing today.

I woke up. I went back to sleep.
I showered.
I brushed my hair.
I had orange juice and a bagel.
I talked on the phone.
I watched a movie.
I had salad for lunch.
I talked on the phone.
I took a nap.
I talked on the phone.
I read/wrote/checked emails.
I thought about taking a nap.
I talked on the phone.
I made a can of soup.
I watched a movie.
I talked on the phone.
I talked on the phone again.
The Phone is ringing again.
I talked on the phone again.
I sweated.
I'm typing.
I washed the floor.
I sweated.
I itched.
I talk on the phone.
I go to bed.

Oh What A Night.

[Don't Be a Hermit Like Kermit]

Well I got to go to College and Careers Night, which made me very happy to get out of the house. And as previously debated with Christine: there were in fact two married couples there. Everyone gets married when there Christians. I think it's because we can't have sex till marriage. Thats why we don't wait till our thirties. We just can't take it any longer.

Anywho, it was fun I met Tiff and Adam [married couple who drove me there], they were really nice and I look forward to seeing them on Sunday. We watched a movie with this guy who believes dinosaurs still exist [Jurassic PARK!! AHHHHHH! - by the way I still haven't seen that movie] and that was about it. I was just really glad to get out of the house. Little leaps are making my life interesting.

Hope to continue the pattern of not being a hermit.

Vegetarian Food Makes Me Think

[NO meat for me!]

Today's adventure started with re-applying at the call centre across the street. NCO Financial it is called and it is Brantford's biggest employer. Well I once again filled out the application and handed in the resume and on Wednesday I'm going to the job fair in hopes of an on the spot interview and/or job. My hopes are that I will [with my scholarship money] be able to get through this year relatively debt free. And I should be able to if I get a job. Then I applied to the Sanderson Centre/Theatre or whatever, then I went for lunch.

There is this really cool little vegetarian cafe/juice bar/art gallery right under my apartment and I have been wanting to check it out. The place has tonnes of paintings on the walls and its gorgeous! I had the small [it was quite big] spinach salad, the french onion soup [so,so good] and a coconut and other yummy fruit smoothie! I got to talking to the manager and handed in my resume and now she knows me by name! I think I will start a tradition of getting some yummy juice from her like every friday because its so good to drink and for me! So besides the happy prospect of working someplace I could consciously agree with their morals [free trade coffee rocks!] and the possibility of discounts on yummy food, I had a brain thought. And it was...I'm a contradiction. I'm going for public relations [which essentially lets big companies bullshit the public], yet I love the little company. I love the power suit and starbucks but I also love the peasent skirt and juice bar.

Ug, I'm sweating.

Anywho, I also applied at the library and at the movie theatre so I did pretty good today. Tonight I'm going to College and Careers Youth Group! WHOOOT COLLEGE PART!!!!! IM OLDER!!! YEAH!!!! FINALLY!!!! So I'm excited for all that. Hopefully I will get a job soon. Yeah job.

Spinach Salad is good BUT French Onion Soup is better. They make it in an onion. Much like my apartment.

{THANKFUL FOR: 93.9 Christian Radio Station, Meeting Julie and Prospect of Moral Job, The amount of resumes I handed out today, nice people in Brantford who let me babble, youth group tonight - more human contact, french onion soup!}

The Real World: Rotting Meat, Stinking Feet, Dreams of Pete

[Another Old View of My Apartment]

[from an email to Stef]the real world you ask? Well, first of all, when you are all alone in a new city with not a single person you know...you have two options: to sit on your ass all day or to go explore. I have done both these things. Both have made me go to sleep a lot sooner than necessary. Its quite boring on your own at first. Especially when it is so hot. Its too hot to want to make you go explore but yet the pirate spirit gets you some days and away you go into the real world.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK* Really cool things about Brantford
1. There is a mall thingy/ movie theatre right across the street from my apartment...matinees are only $3 and regular showtimes are $4.25, even for adults.
2. Library is about a block away, looks nice, bought a book there for 50 cents.
3. Farmers Market is just behind the library. Good cheap veggies and things. Bought corn and pretty pretty flowers for my apartment. Total bill was like $5.
4. All the buildings here are old and beautiful, even the money mart ten feet from my house is old with big gothic angels on it. Once I get my camera I will take pics and show you.
5. On Fridays, they have live music in the park right behind my house. Jazz and wunderbar things like that.
6. Everything is so close, my bank, schools, the bus station, the grocery store, the movie theatre, the library, the theatre!
7. Oh the theatre! Its literally just down the street and they are going to be having the coolest live acts! Just For Laughs is coming in March, Bob Saget is here next week, a thing of John Lennon (musical i believe?) is in a month and they have a version of Cirque de Solei coming here in September too!
8. I can walk there!

* END OF COMMMERCIAL BREAK*

ANywho, buying groceries for yourself for the first time is quite scary..."is 1.27/lb a good price for grapes? is this like grapes on sale? do I even want grapes? will I eat these grapes before they go bad? how much do these grapes weigh anyways?" now do that for every single item you will buy. every week. for the next four years. Grocery ads are fun too. I don't want to go to four different stores just to buy food.
\r\n \r\nDoing your laundry down the street is fun too. A complete waste of an hour and a half. You have to sit there, and wait, and switch things over and then you get creepy older guys wanting to give me quarters and pizza. STranGe!

The scariest part of the real world is the first night on your own. After that it gets easier. Soon you won\'t want to come home. I like my little apartment. Even when I do accidently unplug the fridge (NEVER DO THAT!)

Jesus Freaks and Walks Down the Street and Something to Eat

[Dinner with the Queen]

Today I got to go to church! I have been wanting to find a home church in Brantford and I think I found the one I'm going to go to today. Dave set me up with one of his co-workers [Sarah] who goes to Brant Community Church so I would know someone when I went today. Well not only did I have such a good time at church I was taken out to lunch as well! WHOOT. At someplace the Queen Mother has eaten. Fancy Smancy.

Then I read for the rest of the day and I am working on grocery lists and bible study. Tommorrow I may go to the mall, go to college and careers thingy through the church and do some grocery shopping. Excitement! Today was good, hot but good. I am looking forward to tomarrow and all the craziness it may bring. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.

What I am thankful for today: I found a good church close by, I met Sarah - actually had human contact! and I'm starting to feel motivated to do things again like cleaning my fridge.

Blast from the Past: What Life Was Like From June 4th to June 17th 2003

[Two years later...where will I be two years from now?]

Today I discovered my first blog, plexiglass ego [the name is still really cool - admit it!] Anywho its really funny and kind of depressing and strange to go back in time and read the oh so pressing issues of the day. I mean - I was in high school, had my first real crush who liked me back, worried about ISUs, living at home with my parents, had my best friends close by - just found out that one was gay - would find out that two others were just after my last post.

---------------------------------A=POSTINGS--------------------------------------------

Tuesday, June 17, 2003
Hehe, Zoro likes me even more after friday...could that mean that he finds me attractive?! :D Whoo whooposted by Holly at 7:43 PM
Saturday, June 14, 2003
Well, I finally met the infamous Zoro...Christian Rock n bowl is great. Me, Steve, Matt and Christine got there right at eight when the whole place was pretty well empty. And yes before I met Zoro, I had to go to the mall, buy a new shirt and get my eyebrows waxed lol. Typical me. Anyways so we get there and Steve already knows the guy behind the counter, who we later learn is the DJ. This guy is really nice and his name is Dave and he's cool and whatever. (Later, I REALLY get the impression he has a crush on me, I wonder how old he thought I was!) So yeah we are all just sorta stupid bowling for about a half an hour because Zoro and Brit and Kate didnt show...yet. SO we actually start playing a real game and then they show up...I was sorta nervous at first because they were standing at the doors and Brit was signaling to me and I was like "must bowl, be with you in a minute!"...sad really. SO I get there and I greet everyone and I shake Zoro's hand which is sort of weird especially because we both know that we like each other. And the rest of the night is sorta okay....Zoro is very shy and doesnt talk much and I had to keep trying to get him to talk to me, I got the "elevator" look up and down from this guy and the DJ asked for a hug and called me "sweetie". Strange, so basically there was three guys there that somewhat liked me or something...not bad for a friday night. I'm not sure exactly what I think of Zoro, it still feels like I've met him before, and he is sorta out of it. I only wonder know what he thinks of me.posted by Holly at 9:58 AM
---------------------------------END--OF---POSTS--------------------------

How times have changed. I know have the one I love and loves me back that shall remain nameless, one of the friends that I was to find out was gay is now infact engaged [still gay]. I live on my own in a town I didn't even hear of back then. Friends are similar, gained and lost a few... how strange that two years can make such an enormous difference. This was about a month before my trip to Calgary. This was before my car accident. This was before I decided not to go to Ryerson and pursue Wilfrid Laurier. This was before my grandfather had died. How strange.

Wouldn't it be cool if I could leave a comment to my self on that old blog and tell myself two years ago what to do? What advice would I give?

I would tell myself that 1. DONT LIKE ZORO! Nice guy and all but that quietness at the bowling alley was him all the time. You WILL find him boring before the summer is over. He will forget about you when he leaves the country and will never really talk to you again. You will break the garage door because of this. 2. the next guy...S_ _ N is just as bad! DONT DO IT! YOU DONT NEED MALE COMPANIONSHIP! YOUR PRETTY! THEY ARE STUPID! Only go after guys that you don't have to go after. If you become effortless friends then there might be something there! LOOK TO SEPTEMBER!!! You will meet someone who will continue to be a major part of your life and still is as of August 6th 2005! 3. You did not turn Aaron, Joel or Ryan gay. Their fathers did it. 4. Take art in grade 12...don't take first period spare. 5. Music is a very hard class, dont let it hurt you. 6. You don't need to look like Vanessa Carleton for a few reasons: she will not be famous in a year, you don't need to be anyone but you and Zoro is not important anyways.

There, I'm sure the me two years ago would tell me now to bugger off but it tis all true. Oh well. No point in lying to the past. Oh and I never did get that job...because I was only 15. I'm so glad to not be 15 anymore, I don't think its easier because it is not - but I'm happier. So long 15, hello a brave new world. What advice will I want to give myself now, two years from now? I'm almost scared to ask. I like my mistakes as I'm sure I liked them then.

Mistakes are important, if I never made them I would never smarten up.

Snapshots and Secrets: Looking for My Missing USB Cord for My Digital Camera

[Not what my apartment looks like right now]
I have pictures. Of my place. And I want to post them but I cannot. The ONE THING I cannot find out of everything I packed is what I need right now. Snap.

Day One: Laziness Strikes at 12

[Get it?]

It is hot. Hot hot hot hot HOT! If my apartment, as one jokes and will remain nameless, doesn't work out - I can rent it out as a sauna. Ha ha, HILARIOUS.

Anywho, the heat wakes me up at 8, which is not too bad and I crawl out of bed, make the morning phone call to the same one who shall remain nameless and decide to check out my OSAP.

OSAP has already loaned me the sum of $6139 for this year (why not one more dollar? does that make sense?? why 39 and not forty?) and along with that you can apply for scholarships to help you eventually pay off said loan. I, of course applied, being of sound mind and tiny bank account and was pleased to say the least to see that I have infact recieved a scholarship. How much you ask? Well...guess!

A thousand you say? No, higher.
Two thousand you say? No, higher.
THREE thousand you say? No, HIGHER!

I have recieved today...$3500 from the government of Canada because I am SMRT! I mean SMART! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So begins - and a very good beginning I might add - my real first day alone.

Well once I crawl out of my apartment attire - consisting mostly of underwears due to forementioned heat and to which my mother acclaims is in fact an accomplishment [ the ability to sit around in underwear all day] and head over to the University to beg for something to do. I have still not washed my floors or unpacked that ONE LAST BOX, but that kind of excitement is saved for the night time. And the University can't give me work right now but they may later. Whoot. Next I go to fill out an application at NCO Financial Services which is a call centre located across the street next to the FABULOUS movie theatre [ saw Madagascar yesterday for $3!]. Hopefully I get a job. Whoot. Went and bought an Iced Tea. Whoot. Went to the library in hopes of getting a library card - cannot as no proof of address yet - that means I might have to wait a month to get a card - phooot. Still bought a book there for $.50, reading material is my best friend now, even if it is grocery adverts. Then walked to the farmers markets in hopes of cheap fresh food - bought 1/2 dozen Peaches and Cream Corn for a twoonie. Then I bought perhaps my favourite purchase of the day - beautiful pink gladiolous - a bunch for $3. Then I walked home, five minutes later I was checking my mail in vain. The previous tenants get more mail than I do, even though most of it is from Singaporian Collection Agencies.

Then I napped. So it is now. And there is nothing to add. Will post pictures of my apartment and gladiolouses [?] tonight once I wash the floor and unpack that one last box.

Rocket Man - Elton John Always Gets the Best of Me

[My New Planet - Pretty Isn't It?]

She packed my bags last night pre-flight...
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife [family]
It’s lonely out in space...
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone...

My trip to outer space is also known as Brantford...tonight is my first night alone and this song made me absolutely ball my eyes out. I feel a bit like the rocket man...all alone...missing friends and family. I'm happy with my choice to move it just would have been easier if I only had bad memories to leave behind. But the good memories make it quite bittersweet and I decided that last night my idea to scrapbook is probably the worst I have ever had. No scrapbooking for at least two weeks.